The production of this is fantastic. The little animations, the zoom on the backgrounds for setting, the magnifying glass for the bee. Lovely
The only issue I have with the UI, (and it is an issue of taste more than anything) is the honey-comb buttons line-art looks bold and smooth, and it clashes with the character's rough line-art.
The TV segments that add backstory and flavor to the world are neat, and the reveal due to it is interesting. It's a shame there wasn't more time, because the story was just starting when it ended
All in all, excellent entry. I wanna know what happens next!
Spoiler-filled comment
I was intrigued by the things that happened on the television that set up the main conflict. “The public grows anxious of rising hospitalization rates. Spin City continues to be one of the remaining bastions of safety as conditions worsen worldwide. The search for a cure prevails.”
It got me wondering what they were being hospitalised by and what the worsening conditions were. Things seem to be pretty swell in Spin City, besides the shady stall and the corrupt mayor. It’s a sanctuary, but it took me a while (and some rereading) to understand that the place is a sanctuary from what I assume is a horde of feral half-changed? I had thought on first read that “The Half-Changed. They are prone to all baser instincts, feverishly attacking others. In response, dozens of sanctuaries like Spin City were built…” meant that the sanctuary was to protect the Half-Changed, then wondered why none had been shown in the city.
It doesn’t feel like a place that’s being constantly assaulted by zombies. Jess mentions having never seen a change in person, but we don’t get much indication of how the characters think of the Half-Changed or how the city is a sanctuary from grim conditions elsewhere. Are all of the characters from here? Did they come from somewhere else where things are worse?
Maybe it’s a slow burn, but it feels off to me that we’re getting so much progress on the evil mayor plot before Jess and co. have very much reason to be personally involved. If it was one of their friends who had half-changed and then been imprisoned, it would be a clear connection between the plots. With the mayor’s speech at the end, we know they want to cure the Half-Changed and are somewhat successful through cruel, secret experiments. But Jess’s involvement with that doesn’t extend past witnessing the stranger transforming and getting carted away.
From the mayor’s imprisonment of the half-changed person, I get that they’re obviously the villain, but it feels weird because they’re also basically curing the zombie outbreak at the same time? You can have a complex character who does things that seem both evil and virtuous at the same time, but there’s way more moustache-twirling villainy than good in the way the character is portrayed as opposed to the text acknowledging that they have good end goals. I have to sit and think for a bit about the zombie outbreak plot to realise that the cure is actually a pretty great thing for the society to have. I figure that the zombie outbreak was caused by the hubris of scientists seeking immortality, but it’s better that they fix it than not.
I’m not sold on Jaxo becoming Jess’s and Griswald’s friend so quickly. The introduction scene isn’t particularly compelling as it relates to her or her relationships with other characters since the focus is more on the shady stall. Then it feels like only days later they all act as if they had known her for much longer.
Another question I have about the characters: what is Jess’s occupation, exactly? There aren’t that many days in the game, and it could be that it’s all long weekend or something, but don’t they have a job or school or something that they would mention?
The graphics are cute, Jess in particular. Their face is very expressive, as well as the wing movement changing with expressions. The magnifying glass as a frame for their portrait is a nice touch, and that you see the portrait change when they get up and put on a shirt. I like the idea that one of the characters is actually just super tiny, and that the story acknowledges it regularly, like with Griswald giving them a tiny fish and Jess having a guest room for non-bees. Though there is one line about both Jaxo and Jess making splashes in the pool on entry from the water slide, and I don’t think Jess could make a “noteworthy splash”.
Thank you for your time and feedback! I agree that our characters and plot sequences could have been more fleshed out. Not only our backstory/history, but our character’s current motivations as well. I think our development moved forward at inappropriate times, altering the tone and direction of the game before fully settling down on something coherent. This is also apparent with mixed tones in texts. We will try to find a consistent path to follow as we go back over what we have so far. Thank you again for your review ^^
Purely in terms of being a jam submission, it's very solid! Given that it only had a month to be created, the amount of art assets that had to be created for this just reeks of a ton of effort being put in! Like, Grizwald's and Jaxo's portraits are a little stiff, but overall, its very nice stuff and nothing looks or feels outright bad at any point. And I can see the framework for something much grander at play too, and I am enthused to see where this goes.
As for constructive criticism, I think the best place to point out would be the overall characterization. I know, it's a jam product, what you have is excellent for the time and budget you have, but, if and when you further develop this game, or this setting, I would think the best place to look is your characters. Like, were told or shown little of what sort of people Grizwald and Jaxo are, Griz is a gentle but caring giant and Jaxo... is the reasonable one that for some reason goes along with things? And finally Jess, who despite being the most expressive character by a wide margin and actually having some interesting things to say... has like zero real personality to speak of, despite being the protagonist.
While I personally do not believe that the MC has to bee necessarily "relatable" to be interesting or compelling, I DO at least think it's important that the player can at least intuit who they are and learn things about them. And Jess... just doesn't actually get any opportunity to establish an even halfway consistent MO. The most I can get is that they are transgender via their design motifs which I suppose is a neat idea considering they are a bee but its something that I feel like neither jess or anyone else actually thinks necessary to bring up, nor do I (a straight guy with zero romantic experience or any real understanding of the subject) feel like anything is done with it at all, (and to be clear, sometimes the lack of mentioning something can be just as insightful as if they did bring it up; they are your characters, do whatever you please with them; so I am not calling it bad, its just a bit... odd...); and the only other thing I can get from them is that they are someone who tends to shy away from danger? Someone who is a bit sheltered, mildly oblivious, somewhat left out of the loop on things? Unclear.
Other than that, Jess is internally inconsistent, beyond the multiple choice nature of the medium. Like, you start the game with them either sleeping in or getting up immediately, then later have them be someone who is willing to get out of the house early when someone tries to reach them, only to then try to hope the people knocking at their door go away the next morning. And, yeah, a lot of what little we get on them goes like that, where its very difficult to gauge what their overall ethos is, which I think ended up unintentionally down-playing the impact lines like "Spin city has lost it's luster" were supposed to have. I do think it would be very important for the player to have a bit more time to get into their headspace, and so on.
Similar story with the setting, which frankly I can also peg right back to Jess and the other two major characters. It's shown there's this half-changing epidemic of sorts going about, and while of course that's going to get developed in further detail later, the status quo of Spin City that establishes why the half changing is a disruption is not. "Established as a safe haven following the 'changes'" is roughly what were told, in addition to hospitalization problems presumably also related... and animal hybrids being the norm can be rooted in attempts at immortality, but... OK? A flaw with the setting is that this does not sufficiently explain why most people are or are not animals, if it was a willing thing to begin with for the general population, and in particular, what sort of clear-and-present danger half-changed individuals might present to fully hybridized folks. Violent behavior, yes... but... the implications of the story beats imply that something more than that might be at play here to cuase a quarantine level situation, yet this does not feel like the narrative intent at all. "Can those already fully changed get partially changed again?" Is the question my mind keeps coming back too, and I don't know if that is what the audience was meant to be thinking.
And, this all has further implications and potential for insight into our major characters, namely-but-by-no-means-exclusively Jess. Like, they are a bee *now*, but I think an interesting question that could, depending on the answer, influence their personality is whether they have always been like this? Were they human at some point, and if yes, was becoming a bee in anyway willing or desireable to them? Or, were they born the way they are? Even more interesting a possibility, going off of a small detail you included, were they a normal, feral bee originally? -- That last one I think actually has the most potential! And so it goes for the rest of the cast; regardless of whether or not the player learns such backstory about them directly, any sort of answer to this question even just in the writers room alone would invariably shape these character's own personal world views.
I can probably contribute some more chatter if you want it, but for now, I think that is plenty. (yes, I know, I am incapable of shutting up). I like what you have here, and am eager to see more from you all! Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much for your feedback! At this point we are still vague on details, so I am more than happy to read through anything you and other players have to say! Some steps I could improve on as team lead would be to give more firm direction on our game's themes and character profiles. Although this "open field" approach did lead to us brainstorming the Change about midway through--we then spent even more time back and forth on what the Change exactly does. So we did have to rush on character development and outlines.
I also agree on your points about our characters, visually and personality-wise. I was eager to experiment with different ways of showing portraits and look forward to adding more variety to their poses with this system. More effort was put towards details of events rather than interactions between characters and it shows. We do currently have events that were out of scope that I hope to add, albeit with concerns about pacing (as-is, and in the future).
As mentioned before, we are admittedly at an open-ended thread when it comes to character backstory and plot, and are taking speculative ideas into serious consideration. Thank you again for your extensive feedback, we greatly appreciate it!
← Return to game
Comments
Log in with itch.io to leave a comment.
The production of this is fantastic. The little animations, the zoom on the backgrounds for setting, the magnifying glass for the bee. Lovely
The only issue I have with the UI, (and it is an issue of taste more than anything) is the honey-comb buttons line-art looks bold and smooth, and it clashes with the character's rough line-art.
The TV segments that add backstory and flavor to the world are neat, and the reveal due to it is interesting. It's a shame there wasn't more time, because the story was just starting when it ended
All in all, excellent entry. I wanna know what happens next!
Spoiler-filled comment
I was intrigued by the things that happened on the television that set up the main conflict. “The public grows anxious of rising hospitalization rates. Spin City continues to be one of the remaining bastions of safety as conditions worsen worldwide. The search for a cure prevails.”It got me wondering what they were being hospitalised by and what the worsening conditions were. Things seem to be pretty swell in Spin City, besides the shady stall and the corrupt mayor. It’s a sanctuary, but it took me a while (and some rereading) to understand that the place is a sanctuary from what I assume is a horde of feral half-changed? I had thought on first read that “The Half-Changed. They are prone to all baser instincts, feverishly attacking others. In response, dozens of sanctuaries like Spin City were built…” meant that the sanctuary was to protect the Half-Changed, then wondered why none had been shown in the city. It doesn’t feel like a place that’s being constantly assaulted by zombies. Jess mentions having never seen a change in person, but we don’t get much indication of how the characters think of the Half-Changed or how the city is a sanctuary from grim conditions elsewhere. Are all of the characters from here? Did they come from somewhere else where things are worse?
Maybe it’s a slow burn, but it feels off to me that we’re getting so much progress on the evil mayor plot before Jess and co. have very much reason to be personally involved. If it was one of their friends who had half-changed and then been imprisoned, it would be a clear connection between the plots. With the mayor’s speech at the end, we know they want to cure the Half-Changed and are somewhat successful through cruel, secret experiments. But Jess’s involvement with that doesn’t extend past witnessing the stranger transforming and getting carted away.
From the mayor’s imprisonment of the half-changed person, I get that they’re obviously the villain, but it feels weird because they’re also basically curing the zombie outbreak at the same time? You can have a complex character who does things that seem both evil and virtuous at the same time, but there’s way more moustache-twirling villainy than good in the way the character is portrayed as opposed to the text acknowledging that they have good end goals. I have to sit and think for a bit about the zombie outbreak plot to realise that the cure is actually a pretty great thing for the society to have. I figure that the zombie outbreak was caused by the hubris of scientists seeking immortality, but it’s better that they fix it than not.
I’m not sold on Jaxo becoming Jess’s and Griswald’s friend so quickly. The introduction scene isn’t particularly compelling as it relates to her or her relationships with other characters since the focus is more on the shady stall. Then it feels like only days later they all act as if they had known her for much longer.
Another question I have about the characters: what is Jess’s occupation, exactly? There aren’t that many days in the game, and it could be that it’s all long weekend or something, but don’t they have a job or school or something that they would mention?
The graphics are cute, Jess in particular. Their face is very expressive, as well as the wing movement changing with expressions. The magnifying glass as a frame for their portrait is a nice touch, and that you see the portrait change when they get up and put on a shirt. I like the idea that one of the characters is actually just super tiny, and that the story acknowledges it regularly, like with Griswald giving them a tiny fish and Jess having a guest room for non-bees. Though there is one line about both Jaxo and Jess making splashes in the pool on entry from the water slide, and I don’t think Jess could make a “noteworthy splash”.
Thank you for your time and feedback! I agree that our characters and plot sequences could have been more fleshed out. Not only our backstory/history, but our character’s current motivations as well. I think our development moved forward at inappropriate times, altering the tone and direction of the game before fully settling down on something coherent. This is also apparent with mixed tones in texts. We will try to find a consistent path to follow as we go back over what we have so far. Thank you again for your review ^^
Purely in terms of being a jam submission, it's very solid! Given that it only had a month to be created, the amount of art assets that had to be created for this just reeks of a ton of effort being put in! Like, Grizwald's and Jaxo's portraits are a little stiff, but overall, its very nice stuff and nothing looks or feels outright bad at any point. And I can see the framework for something much grander at play too, and I am enthused to see where this goes.
As for constructive criticism, I think the best place to point out would be the overall characterization. I know, it's a jam product, what you have is excellent for the time and budget you have, but, if and when you further develop this game, or this setting, I would think the best place to look is your characters. Like, were told or shown little of what sort of people Grizwald and Jaxo are, Griz is a gentle but caring giant and Jaxo... is the reasonable one that for some reason goes along with things? And finally Jess, who despite being the most expressive character by a wide margin and actually having some interesting things to say... has like zero real personality to speak of, despite being the protagonist.
While I personally do not believe that the MC has to bee necessarily "relatable" to be interesting or compelling, I DO at least think it's important that the player can at least intuit who they are and learn things about them. And Jess... just doesn't actually get any opportunity to establish an even halfway consistent MO. The most I can get is that they are transgender via their design motifs which I suppose is a neat idea considering they are a bee but its something that I feel like neither jess or anyone else actually thinks necessary to bring up, nor do I (a straight guy with zero romantic experience or any real understanding of the subject) feel like anything is done with it at all, (and to be clear, sometimes the lack of mentioning something can be just as insightful as if they did bring it up; they are your characters, do whatever you please with them; so I am not calling it bad, its just a bit... odd...); and the only other thing I can get from them is that they are someone who tends to shy away from danger? Someone who is a bit sheltered, mildly oblivious, somewhat left out of the loop on things? Unclear.
Other than that, Jess is internally inconsistent, beyond the multiple choice nature of the medium. Like, you start the game with them either sleeping in or getting up immediately, then later have them be someone who is willing to get out of the house early when someone tries to reach them, only to then try to hope the people knocking at their door go away the next morning. And, yeah, a lot of what little we get on them goes like that, where its very difficult to gauge what their overall ethos is, which I think ended up unintentionally down-playing the impact lines like "Spin city has lost it's luster" were supposed to have. I do think it would be very important for the player to have a bit more time to get into their headspace, and so on.
Similar story with the setting, which frankly I can also peg right back to Jess and the other two major characters. It's shown there's this half-changing epidemic of sorts going about, and while of course that's going to get developed in further detail later, the status quo of Spin City that establishes why the half changing is a disruption is not. "Established as a safe haven following the 'changes'" is roughly what were told, in addition to hospitalization problems presumably also related... and animal hybrids being the norm can be rooted in attempts at immortality, but... OK? A flaw with the setting is that this does not sufficiently explain why most people are or are not animals, if it was a willing thing to begin with for the general population, and in particular, what sort of clear-and-present danger half-changed individuals might present to fully hybridized folks. Violent behavior, yes... but... the implications of the story beats imply that something more than that might be at play here to cuase a quarantine level situation, yet this does not feel like the narrative intent at all. "Can those already fully changed get partially changed again?" Is the question my mind keeps coming back too, and I don't know if that is what the audience was meant to be thinking.
And, this all has further implications and potential for insight into our major characters, namely-but-by-no-means-exclusively Jess. Like, they are a bee *now*, but I think an interesting question that could, depending on the answer, influence their personality is whether they have always been like this? Were they human at some point, and if yes, was becoming a bee in anyway willing or desireable to them? Or, were they born the way they are? Even more interesting a possibility, going off of a small detail you included, were they a normal, feral bee originally? -- That last one I think actually has the most potential! And so it goes for the rest of the cast; regardless of whether or not the player learns such backstory about them directly, any sort of answer to this question even just in the writers room alone would invariably shape these character's own personal world views.
I can probably contribute some more chatter if you want it, but for now, I think that is plenty. (yes, I know, I am incapable of shutting up). I like what you have here, and am eager to see more from you all! Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much for your feedback! At this point we are still vague on details, so I am more than happy to read through anything you and other players have to say! Some steps I could improve on as team lead would be to give more firm direction on our game's themes and character profiles. Although this "open field" approach did lead to us brainstorming the Change about midway through--we then spent even more time back and forth on what the Change exactly does. So we did have to rush on character development and outlines.
I also agree on your points about our characters, visually and personality-wise. I was eager to experiment with different ways of showing portraits and look forward to adding more variety to their poses with this system. More effort was put towards details of events rather than interactions between characters and it shows. We do currently have events that were out of scope that I hope to add, albeit with concerns about pacing (as-is, and in the future).
As mentioned before, we are admittedly at an open-ended thread when it comes to character backstory and plot, and are taking speculative ideas into serious consideration. Thank you again for your extensive feedback, we greatly appreciate it!